The memories? Nah, the nightmare memory

Memories, oh everyone have at least one beautiful memory. Like how they enjoyed their holiday, how they scored their paper and so on.

But I do have something to vent about. On the last day of school when I was walking around in the  school where suddenly my classmates asked whether I wanna follow them to other classes. I was going to say yes until they ask which class I wanna go, like which class I have good friends, or even friends.
I declined the offer immediately. I not saying that I'm being a meanie of something. Is just that everyone has their own friends, and I don't want to just brag in them. Even though everyone is always,"oh youre lucky to have so many friends/oh you have friends on almost every class? Cool! " and so on. I'm actually being fed up to this comments so much I felt like sewing up their mouths. I'm saying this because most of my friends now going around saying :" oh,  I have only had that ONE best friend in my WHOLE LIFE. "I can't believe there's some who also says that they have NO friends in school like they don't even know who the heck their talking to. Like, hello??? Does that mean I'm just a lost soul in school, so that you can't pretend to have NO FRIENDS??
now a days people just like to pretend to others. Come on, can't you just take a cup of water/tea/bleachcauseyouknowyoubeingthepretenderandothers and think about your life. Are you sure that you never meet me? Actually I don't even mind already after all this years. in fact, I wish that I could be far away from here, and enjoy myself, especially away from those people who thinks that I'm a ghost and my 'beloved' of cousin sis who wish that I was dead so badly. Oh I know, the days is near. You're wish is going to be real very soon you little twine.

If any of you have a friend like this, you can always share this song with them. Trust me, is either they bully you of fear you😊😁
https://soundcloud.com/fandom-artist-347/spoilers-well-meet-again-bill-cipher-cover

An old vent from an old me.

Thinking back to the old days, I've always wonder..... Does friends treat you as their friends.
Yeah, stuff have been happening and stuff.... And I'm sorry for what had happened for this whole time. The thing is, people always say true friends stab you in front rather than your back.
Sometime, not all problems can be kept in your heart for a long time. And today, I want to let it out. Even if I'm going to get scold by them, like they always say. Truth hurts.
I don't want to talk much about others, but I just want to focus on this specific group. Called Craymination group.
My group tend to have special people, those who's smart as heck but they still have humour in them. People who almost every time have a crush on someone(truth!)  but seem to be okay with it. And others...
I don't even know how or what to start with. Well.... One way or another. (I'm going to name by a short name so yeah) Nora, you're always the one who's determine, but we all have the same problem, parents. Yes, parents can be  stubborn, but think about it. If you're them, and your child is a person who is short tempered, always wants to succeed but sleeps in class. If I were them, I'll be afraid for your future too you know(even we're friends).I'm sorry if I over cared and you dislike it. But I hoped that things will change for the good. Respect and appreciate your parents, you never know when will they be gone. And till then, it's too late.
Dear L, I know, I said this before.
"For what you have said, you look like you want to give yourself up. But it was a vice versa, and you had made people to believe that they failed, helping you. Thus telling them, that because of us, had make you gone. " I won't mind If you use this quote, I won't mind anymore. I always thought that if I help you, you may change. Guess your mother had pushed you to the end. I'm so sorry if I made you mad, including the time when we argued in the group, but that's besides the case now. The thing is, you said you always understand. But do you understand that if the more you ignore your mom's advice, won't your mom do the things that you never wanted? Is it because of what you did in the past, to cause this future? I can debate on this topic, as me myself does not have a mom to even relate to this. Reason that I'm acting differently before the exam week? I'm observing this group, seeing what will happen if I'm not around, despite that the only thing I can do is, make things worst. I never get what do you mean of you're the cause of it. No matter how many times I had made you, Lee and A to be mad at me, I over cared. Guess I always think of others before myself. Other things that you want to know, just ask, even if the question can make us be scared and cry. It's okay.
Lee, yes, my English will never be as good as yours. But it's okay, I'm learning, from you guys. Thanks you for letting me be a part of the group. Even if I'm not as good as you guys.
And I'm sorry for spoiling your book. Really sorry...
T. H, M, and K, just continue to be awesome. Thanks for helping me in my daily confusion towards a subject XD. And never forget on all the ship that you guys have done. It's funny, and I'll accept it, including the ones that you guys joke about on me and the others, I'm not mad. But truth to be told, it's funny.
R, life isn't it? You seems to be the quiet one sometimes. But I hope you can join more in our random chat of the day though, thanks for helping me in my essays, and not laughing about my mistake like the other two.
In this group, I always ask:"will I ever for in in this group? Will I finally be the normal kid? Will my friends just be my friends for that year, and go? I'm always scared, all the jokes, the laughter, I don't think is real anymore. I'm always afraid that I might screw up. I scared I'll lose my actual friends. I'm scared... That I'll be alone....

I have no talent at all, I cannot cycle, don't even start on unicycle. I can't write poets, I can't  write fantastic essays that can blow people's minds off. I can't understand maths in one go. I can't even draw. But you guys can, and you appreciate it. And I'm here, trying to find my talent. Even if it takes off my life. 

But all things come to an end, I just hoped that all things can come to a good turn for you guys, and me.

https://soundcloud.com/adham-safena-1/the-ghost-song

Once..

Once there's a girl, who's living a normal life. Till she went to secondary school.
In there, she found many type people. The fun people, the nerds, the social people, the helpful ones. But then came those people, this are the people whom she hate and tried to avoid. The girlys ones, the popular students, the sassy ones.
Oh, how she wish to have the best year of school. But it never came.
Funny, oh how people always say that they are your friend. But on the other side, they tell people that they don't have any friends in school.
She always thinks that she's a ghost in school, but she is okay with that since they don't want you to be their real friends, why waste your time on those bastard?
Life is long, but short at the same time. You never know when are you going to die, so live while you're here .
Friends, or best friend, or even good friends. Should always know when's the limit of it. If you really appreciate them as your friend, you won't go around, not admitting them as an only human, but a friend. Not going around say nobody understand you, not going around saying that no one is your friend. Don't even say that you never had a friend in school. Cause you, my friend. Are saying those years, the people who had talked to you, be with you, have fun with who. Is literally a disgrace to be your friend, scratch that, to be a living being to talk to you. The words that you have been saying, are like knives, stabbing the people that still here, thinking about you as a good friend. Maybe we won't understand you fully. Maybe, we're not worth your while.... At all.
But maybe, when one day, when all of us are gone. Maybe till then, you'll appreciate us.

Dear friends

Dear friends, its okay to tell me when I'm wrong...
Cause nobody's perfect in this world~
Dear friends, I'm sorry if I look crazy,
Cause I'm always scared, hurting you~

Dear friends, have you ever seen the real me?
Have you seen my tear, my fears, my emotion... ~
It's funny, how you guys always says,
That my life, is your dream...
I guess, you never understand it.
I guess, it's best to leave it like this. ~
Cause I know, you won't get it. And you'll never will, and never want to... ~~

Dear friends, if you seems to hate me,
It's okay, I'm used to it.
Just say it out, don't keep it in.
And there, you go...
Cause I know,
I'm the cause of everything..... ~

Dear friends, every time you say I'm hard working, because I have a reason.
To show the world, that I'm not dumb, useless, stupid like they thought.

Dear friends, if one day I lose my self...

Just let go. 

After all, this is just a blank dream, waiting for you to wake up 

From a nightmare. 

Just a random vent.

Life, what have we become. What's happening....
Politics issues, religion issues, some even inter-issues, huh, don't even start talking about pokemon go.
Let's see from the people's view. Well, my view.
Ps:this is about me, not about the things I'd stated, I don't even wanna try to talk about it.
This week I have seen a lot of things, but mostly school issues. Yes, I use the word school issues.
Let's think:your friends was like, let's say, good friends. Suddenly acting strange, you will never know they will betray you right. Even if they use the word"hey, trust me, I can 'do'  this"
Don't even try, when you can't even past the first stage of being a friend, don't even say a good friend.
Yes, I seen worse. Who know, one day you're doing your group project, next thing you know the whole group decided to erase your name and the reason is 'she didn't do anything, please, the whole project thing? I did it my own, I didn't even, I say, even think to take away your name.
You could say past is in the past. But how will you forget if it happens, every year, every project, every time?
Sometimes even worse, I forgive you again and again and again, and what have you done? What did you choose? Talk back, that's all you did, talk back. Putting the blame on me, yeah yah, it's my fault. I'm that idiot who can see through that paper,I don't mind, did I blame you? No, why should I? Do you even know how many people, how many times they had called me idiot? Stupid? Useless?
"first time was a warning, next was a lesson, third was a mistake and fourth was a regret" that's one nice quote you know?
You don't. Even though your my good friend, you don't.
You think it's fun to even try to be happy? Don't even know what happened, and I'm not saying I'm 'hoping' for you to even check my vent, you don't know.
The way I always say that I miss last time because someone cared, the whole gang cared. They even know why am I acting like this, sometimes quite, sometime I can't control self, they know.
Maybe you know, but you're not showing.
Or its just me.
But anyways, after so long, I finally know where I'm standing.

S'V BQIO SRAUHCNB KR NTODWQG        

ZCUX, C QUWO HAKR CTQ ANTO OTHR C'O OKZQZXE AGWQH.

Friends

Replacement for June the 11th
Friends ~
Hey there, I can't really think of a title for this week, but I guess I can talk about this.
This not really a talk but I want to talk about my friends.
In my whole life of schooling, I could say that I have been into many groups, each years is different because our chance of being in a same class is ehhh.... Small. But from all the groups I have been, I guess the most nerd/silly/crazy group was... Well, Craymination group. I can't say others was bad, but I guess this group lead me to meeting other people that I may or may not talk about, next time :)
Our group consist of 7 people, from the punny ones, to the grammar nazis. Each having their own character. Some of you guys I have only met this year and some  from primary school. Even though you guys will not understand me fully, but I won't get mad, sometimes I don't get my self either. But you guys need to understand yourself. Sometimes, we can't get everything  we want, the same way as we thought. But things come and go, your parents may not understand you. But don't worry, your result isn't the end of your line, be positive and strong. And never let people pull you down :)
I know some of you guys will be reading this, but don't questions much XD