The fear of age lining in families

Why does people always target someone who's in capable of defending themselves. Why is the whole so selfish? Why do people choose the second child over the first? Does the oldest child need to commit suicide just to prove their family wrong?
Call the doctor when you're sick, physically hurt. But not mentally hurt.
Is there a problem of being alive?
I've seen enough news. Students commit suicide because of the fear of exams, pressure from surrounding, family members and so on. People running away from homes. Can't you see, the pressure and selfishness has cause all this problems. Do you think that a child will be all okay just because you love the second but not the first? It's not fair for the first child. I have been surviving with the concept of single parented. And now you want me to get your concept of "the first child is a burden, the others is heaven"??
How pathetic, the fact that they always say that" the oldest need to respect the younger " but do you know, your" beloved" 10 years old grandchild loves swearing and pushing all her problems to me. Making me the black sheep? Oh it's been 8-9 years since she came here for "babysitting " and how much I just want to slit myself to sleep. Do you think this is fair? All those years, I've been telling the truth, and no one trusted me. The fact that I can't tell my dad because of personal reasons... But from all the things that I've remembered, I'm always the monster of this family. My friends always going around saying that their family only know how to harvest them without giving you any family feelings, but I don't wanna say out my problems. But not I just cant contain it anymore. The fact that"the longer the suffer, the easier to understand " have make me into the longer it gets, the harder to not understand makes me wanna... Well, end something.
This post was not really supposed to be published as I don't wanna my friends to go around and" pity" me. But I have nothing to post for my assignment. So here you go teacher, this is my I hate long writing, the longer I write the more I express, but not in a good way.

The memories? Nah, the nightmare memory

Memories, oh everyone have at least one beautiful memory. Like how they enjoyed their holiday, how they scored their paper and so on.

But I do have something to vent about. On the last day of school when I was walking around in the  school where suddenly my classmates asked whether I wanna follow them to other classes. I was going to say yes until they ask which class I wanna go, like which class I have good friends, or even friends.
I declined the offer immediately. I not saying that I'm being a meanie of something. Is just that everyone has their own friends, and I don't want to just brag in them. Even though everyone is always,"oh youre lucky to have so many friends/oh you have friends on almost every class? Cool! " and so on. I'm actually being fed up to this comments so much I felt like sewing up their mouths. I'm saying this because most of my friends now going around saying :" oh,  I have only had that ONE best friend in my WHOLE LIFE. "I can't believe there's some who also says that they have NO friends in school like they don't even know who the heck their talking to. Like, hello??? Does that mean I'm just a lost soul in school, so that you can't pretend to have NO FRIENDS??
now a days people just like to pretend to others. Come on, can't you just take a cup of water/tea/bleachcauseyouknowyoubeingthepretenderandothers and think about your life. Are you sure that you never meet me? Actually I don't even mind already after all this years. in fact, I wish that I could be far away from here, and enjoy myself, especially away from those people who thinks that I'm a ghost and my 'beloved' of cousin sis who wish that I was dead so badly. Oh I know, the days is near. You're wish is going to be real very soon you little twine.

If any of you have a friend like this, you can always share this song with them. Trust me, is either they bully you of fear you😊😁
https://soundcloud.com/fandom-artist-347/spoilers-well-meet-again-bill-cipher-cover

The fear of speaking

Glossophobia or speech anxietyis the fear of public speaking or of speaking in general. The wordglossophobia comes from the Greek γλῶσσα glōssa, meaning tongue, and φόβος phobos, fear or dread. Many people only have this fear, while others may also have social phobia or social anxiety disorder.
This is what came out of Google. It's like an anxiety. But I'm not talking about that today, I'm talking about the fear of speaking, which is will happen when you're trying to help a depressed person.
I have been in this situation a couple of times, and I honestly telling you. It hurts..
There's a few times where my friends is going through a lot of stressful times. Most of the time I just don't know what to say, or what to do.
This situation will always make you felt like you're useless, pathetic. But really inside, you're not.
This is not common as most of the people in this world is either brutally honest or just really bad. Fortunately, there's still people who are good.
This is one of the fears that, me myself is still trying to find the "cure"  to it.
If I ever find it, I'll add it to this post.
If you have any fear you want to talk about, feel free to drop a message 😄. I'll try to help :)
Thanks for reading this post and have a fantastic day.

The fear of trust in family.

Have you ever been in a situation where you need to trust someone, like your family? Let's turn the question around. Have your family trusted you?
I have been in this situation where my family does not trust me. For 6 years, I have been forcing myself to not feel, to not cry. But it always seems to fail.
For example, you have a cousin sister and a cousin brother. Everyone in the family loves your cousin sister, so she took the advantage of it. Every time where she did something wrong, she will put the blame on you. The that's where the problem came in. They don't trust you, even if you're not in the scene.
The longer it gets, the more corrupted it becomes.
What ever you do, don't reach that point.
It kills you, slowly and painful.
Please, don't.

An old vent from an old me.

Thinking back to the old days, I've always wonder..... Does friends treat you as their friends.
Yeah, stuff have been happening and stuff.... And I'm sorry for what had happened for this whole time. The thing is, people always say true friends stab you in front rather than your back.
Sometime, not all problems can be kept in your heart for a long time. And today, I want to let it out. Even if I'm going to get scold by them, like they always say. Truth hurts.
I don't want to talk much about others, but I just want to focus on this specific group. Called Craymination group.
My group tend to have special people, those who's smart as heck but they still have humour in them. People who almost every time have a crush on someone(truth!)  but seem to be okay with it. And others...
I don't even know how or what to start with. Well.... One way or another. (I'm going to name by a short name so yeah) Nora, you're always the one who's determine, but we all have the same problem, parents. Yes, parents can be  stubborn, but think about it. If you're them, and your child is a person who is short tempered, always wants to succeed but sleeps in class. If I were them, I'll be afraid for your future too you know(even we're friends).I'm sorry if I over cared and you dislike it. But I hoped that things will change for the good. Respect and appreciate your parents, you never know when will they be gone. And till then, it's too late.
Dear L, I know, I said this before.
"For what you have said, you look like you want to give yourself up. But it was a vice versa, and you had made people to believe that they failed, helping you. Thus telling them, that because of us, had make you gone. " I won't mind If you use this quote, I won't mind anymore. I always thought that if I help you, you may change. Guess your mother had pushed you to the end. I'm so sorry if I made you mad, including the time when we argued in the group, but that's besides the case now. The thing is, you said you always understand. But do you understand that if the more you ignore your mom's advice, won't your mom do the things that you never wanted? Is it because of what you did in the past, to cause this future? I can debate on this topic, as me myself does not have a mom to even relate to this. Reason that I'm acting differently before the exam week? I'm observing this group, seeing what will happen if I'm not around, despite that the only thing I can do is, make things worst. I never get what do you mean of you're the cause of it. No matter how many times I had made you, Lee and A to be mad at me, I over cared. Guess I always think of others before myself. Other things that you want to know, just ask, even if the question can make us be scared and cry. It's okay.
Lee, yes, my English will never be as good as yours. But it's okay, I'm learning, from you guys. Thanks you for letting me be a part of the group. Even if I'm not as good as you guys.
And I'm sorry for spoiling your book. Really sorry...
T. H, M, and K, just continue to be awesome. Thanks for helping me in my daily confusion towards a subject XD. And never forget on all the ship that you guys have done. It's funny, and I'll accept it, including the ones that you guys joke about on me and the others, I'm not mad. But truth to be told, it's funny.
R, life isn't it? You seems to be the quiet one sometimes. But I hope you can join more in our random chat of the day though, thanks for helping me in my essays, and not laughing about my mistake like the other two.
In this group, I always ask:"will I ever for in in this group? Will I finally be the normal kid? Will my friends just be my friends for that year, and go? I'm always scared, all the jokes, the laughter, I don't think is real anymore. I'm always afraid that I might screw up. I scared I'll lose my actual friends. I'm scared... That I'll be alone....

I have no talent at all, I cannot cycle, don't even start on unicycle. I can't write poets, I can't  write fantastic essays that can blow people's minds off. I can't understand maths in one go. I can't even draw. But you guys can, and you appreciate it. And I'm here, trying to find my talent. Even if it takes off my life. 

But all things come to an end, I just hoped that all things can come to a good turn for you guys, and me.

https://soundcloud.com/adham-safena-1/the-ghost-song