The fear of age lining in families

Why does people always target someone who's in capable of defending themselves. Why is the whole so selfish? Why do people choose the second child over the first? Does the oldest child need to commit suicide just to prove their family wrong?
Call the doctor when you're sick, physically hurt. But not mentally hurt.
Is there a problem of being alive?
I've seen enough news. Students commit suicide because of the fear of exams, pressure from surrounding, family members and so on. People running away from homes. Can't you see, the pressure and selfishness has cause all this problems. Do you think that a child will be all okay just because you love the second but not the first? It's not fair for the first child. I have been surviving with the concept of single parented. And now you want me to get your concept of "the first child is a burden, the others is heaven"??
How pathetic, the fact that they always say that" the oldest need to respect the younger " but do you know, your" beloved" 10 years old grandchild loves swearing and pushing all her problems to me. Making me the black sheep? Oh it's been 8-9 years since she came here for "babysitting " and how much I just want to slit myself to sleep. Do you think this is fair? All those years, I've been telling the truth, and no one trusted me. The fact that I can't tell my dad because of personal reasons... But from all the things that I've remembered, I'm always the monster of this family. My friends always going around saying that their family only know how to harvest them without giving you any family feelings, but I don't wanna say out my problems. But not I just cant contain it anymore. The fact that"the longer the suffer, the easier to understand " have make me into the longer it gets, the harder to not understand makes me wanna... Well, end something.
This post was not really supposed to be published as I don't wanna my friends to go around and" pity" me. But I have nothing to post for my assignment. So here you go teacher, this is my I hate long writing, the longer I write the more I express, but not in a good way.

The semicolon project

Have you ever seen a semicolon tattoo? Or a semicolon movement?
Not much people hear about it, but there's not less people are in the movement. Let's talk about the history shall we?
This began in the spring of 2013, when Project Semicolon Founder, Amy Bleuel wanted to honor her father whom she lost to suicide. Through the semicolon symbol many related to the struggle of depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide and their will to continue on. The title, “Project Semicolon,” also represented a goal – to believe that this is not the end but a new beginning.

As the days passed and the project was developed further, it became clear that this symbol was not just about one person. We heard from people longing to continue their story and live a life that would inspire others to continue on as well.

Over the years Project Semicolon has become much more than just one person honoring a parent. Through musician support and social media, the message of hope and love has reached a big audience in many different countries, more than we could have ever anticipated.

Project Semicolon is honored to be a part of those continuing stories, and to be an inspiration to those who are struggling.

The semicolon is an important piece of punctuation and is a perfect symbol for those who are struggling. As Amy says, “A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.”

This is why when you saw a semicolon tattoo or a temporary tattoo, don't look low on them, as you never know what they have been through before. And me myself, have joined the movement for the better of those who had been through.

The memories? Nah, the nightmare memory

Memories, oh everyone have at least one beautiful memory. Like how they enjoyed their holiday, how they scored their paper and so on.

But I do have something to vent about. On the last day of school when I was walking around in the  school where suddenly my classmates asked whether I wanna follow them to other classes. I was going to say yes until they ask which class I wanna go, like which class I have good friends, or even friends.
I declined the offer immediately. I not saying that I'm being a meanie of something. Is just that everyone has their own friends, and I don't want to just brag in them. Even though everyone is always,"oh youre lucky to have so many friends/oh you have friends on almost every class? Cool! " and so on. I'm actually being fed up to this comments so much I felt like sewing up their mouths. I'm saying this because most of my friends now going around saying :" oh,  I have only had that ONE best friend in my WHOLE LIFE. "I can't believe there's some who also says that they have NO friends in school like they don't even know who the heck their talking to. Like, hello??? Does that mean I'm just a lost soul in school, so that you can't pretend to have NO FRIENDS??
now a days people just like to pretend to others. Come on, can't you just take a cup of water/tea/bleachcauseyouknowyoubeingthepretenderandothers and think about your life. Are you sure that you never meet me? Actually I don't even mind already after all this years. in fact, I wish that I could be far away from here, and enjoy myself, especially away from those people who thinks that I'm a ghost and my 'beloved' of cousin sis who wish that I was dead so badly. Oh I know, the days is near. You're wish is going to be real very soon you little twine.

If any of you have a friend like this, you can always share this song with them. Trust me, is either they bully you of fear you😊😁
https://soundcloud.com/fandom-artist-347/spoilers-well-meet-again-bill-cipher-cover

The fear of speaking

Glossophobia or speech anxietyis the fear of public speaking or of speaking in general. The wordglossophobia comes from the Greek γλῶσσα glōssa, meaning tongue, and φόβος phobos, fear or dread. Many people only have this fear, while others may also have social phobia or social anxiety disorder.
This is what came out of Google. It's like an anxiety. But I'm not talking about that today, I'm talking about the fear of speaking, which is will happen when you're trying to help a depressed person.
I have been in this situation a couple of times, and I honestly telling you. It hurts..
There's a few times where my friends is going through a lot of stressful times. Most of the time I just don't know what to say, or what to do.
This situation will always make you felt like you're useless, pathetic. But really inside, you're not.
This is not common as most of the people in this world is either brutally honest or just really bad. Fortunately, there's still people who are good.
This is one of the fears that, me myself is still trying to find the "cure"  to it.
If I ever find it, I'll add it to this post.
If you have any fear you want to talk about, feel free to drop a message 😄. I'll try to help :)
Thanks for reading this post and have a fantastic day.

The fear of being left out

Have you ever have a group of friends? It sure is nice right? Inviting you to outing  or shopping. They goes like :hey! Wanna go for a walk, like to be away from school and family?
And  suddenly, you're doing your assignment, studying... By yourself?
This is what we called, being left out.
Some people have the fear of being left out. This will lead to depression and anxiety.
Although not much people experience this, but there's still people who's in this situation now.
There's ways of overcoming it. But it takes courage and time
Among the things you can do it by making now friends. Making new friends can improve your mood and attitude, if you found a good friend that is.

The fear of trust in family.

Have you ever been in a situation where you need to trust someone, like your family? Let's turn the question around. Have your family trusted you?
I have been in this situation where my family does not trust me. For 6 years, I have been forcing myself to not feel, to not cry. But it always seems to fail.
For example, you have a cousin sister and a cousin brother. Everyone in the family loves your cousin sister, so she took the advantage of it. Every time where she did something wrong, she will put the blame on you. The that's where the problem came in. They don't trust you, even if you're not in the scene.
The longer it gets, the more corrupted it becomes.
What ever you do, don't reach that point.
It kills you, slowly and painful.
Please, don't.

An old vent from an old me.

Thinking back to the old days, I've always wonder..... Does friends treat you as their friends.
Yeah, stuff have been happening and stuff.... And I'm sorry for what had happened for this whole time. The thing is, people always say true friends stab you in front rather than your back.
Sometime, not all problems can be kept in your heart for a long time. And today, I want to let it out. Even if I'm going to get scold by them, like they always say. Truth hurts.
I don't want to talk much about others, but I just want to focus on this specific group. Called Craymination group.
My group tend to have special people, those who's smart as heck but they still have humour in them. People who almost every time have a crush on someone(truth!)  but seem to be okay with it. And others...
I don't even know how or what to start with. Well.... One way or another. (I'm going to name by a short name so yeah) Nora, you're always the one who's determine, but we all have the same problem, parents. Yes, parents can be  stubborn, but think about it. If you're them, and your child is a person who is short tempered, always wants to succeed but sleeps in class. If I were them, I'll be afraid for your future too you know(even we're friends).I'm sorry if I over cared and you dislike it. But I hoped that things will change for the good. Respect and appreciate your parents, you never know when will they be gone. And till then, it's too late.
Dear L, I know, I said this before.
"For what you have said, you look like you want to give yourself up. But it was a vice versa, and you had made people to believe that they failed, helping you. Thus telling them, that because of us, had make you gone. " I won't mind If you use this quote, I won't mind anymore. I always thought that if I help you, you may change. Guess your mother had pushed you to the end. I'm so sorry if I made you mad, including the time when we argued in the group, but that's besides the case now. The thing is, you said you always understand. But do you understand that if the more you ignore your mom's advice, won't your mom do the things that you never wanted? Is it because of what you did in the past, to cause this future? I can debate on this topic, as me myself does not have a mom to even relate to this. Reason that I'm acting differently before the exam week? I'm observing this group, seeing what will happen if I'm not around, despite that the only thing I can do is, make things worst. I never get what do you mean of you're the cause of it. No matter how many times I had made you, Lee and A to be mad at me, I over cared. Guess I always think of others before myself. Other things that you want to know, just ask, even if the question can make us be scared and cry. It's okay.
Lee, yes, my English will never be as good as yours. But it's okay, I'm learning, from you guys. Thanks you for letting me be a part of the group. Even if I'm not as good as you guys.
And I'm sorry for spoiling your book. Really sorry...
T. H, M, and K, just continue to be awesome. Thanks for helping me in my daily confusion towards a subject XD. And never forget on all the ship that you guys have done. It's funny, and I'll accept it, including the ones that you guys joke about on me and the others, I'm not mad. But truth to be told, it's funny.
R, life isn't it? You seems to be the quiet one sometimes. But I hope you can join more in our random chat of the day though, thanks for helping me in my essays, and not laughing about my mistake like the other two.
In this group, I always ask:"will I ever for in in this group? Will I finally be the normal kid? Will my friends just be my friends for that year, and go? I'm always scared, all the jokes, the laughter, I don't think is real anymore. I'm always afraid that I might screw up. I scared I'll lose my actual friends. I'm scared... That I'll be alone....

I have no talent at all, I cannot cycle, don't even start on unicycle. I can't write poets, I can't  write fantastic essays that can blow people's minds off. I can't understand maths in one go. I can't even draw. But you guys can, and you appreciate it. And I'm here, trying to find my talent. Even if it takes off my life. 

But all things come to an end, I just hoped that all things can come to a good turn for you guys, and me.

https://soundcloud.com/adham-safena-1/the-ghost-song

Once..

Once there's a girl, who's living a normal life. Till she went to secondary school.
In there, she found many type people. The fun people, the nerds, the social people, the helpful ones. But then came those people, this are the people whom she hate and tried to avoid. The girlys ones, the popular students, the sassy ones.
Oh, how she wish to have the best year of school. But it never came.
Funny, oh how people always say that they are your friend. But on the other side, they tell people that they don't have any friends in school.
She always thinks that she's a ghost in school, but she is okay with that since they don't want you to be their real friends, why waste your time on those bastard?
Life is long, but short at the same time. You never know when are you going to die, so live while you're here .
Friends, or best friend, or even good friends. Should always know when's the limit of it. If you really appreciate them as your friend, you won't go around, not admitting them as an only human, but a friend. Not going around say nobody understand you, not going around saying that no one is your friend. Don't even say that you never had a friend in school. Cause you, my friend. Are saying those years, the people who had talked to you, be with you, have fun with who. Is literally a disgrace to be your friend, scratch that, to be a living being to talk to you. The words that you have been saying, are like knives, stabbing the people that still here, thinking about you as a good friend. Maybe we won't understand you fully. Maybe, we're not worth your while.... At all.
But maybe, when one day, when all of us are gone. Maybe till then, you'll appreciate us.

Holiday, what a stress!

Holiday, what do you think of? Traveling around, relax, stress free? To me.... Well, I'm 24/7 stress now 😅😅 I'm having 22+ homework, including tuition. And I need to settle it by wed cause my brain told me too. Besides, we students have the thinking of "not having good results is equals to going to be look down in community, especially parents and teachers.
Like me, my English results have never been in flying colours before, not even a good marks. And I still need to balance out my other results such as add maths and so on.
Like what the physiologist people had told, students with 24/7 stress is most likely to fail their test, causing them to be looked down. In a more serious case, it could lead to depression and suicide.
People always say that students only know how to play games, watch YouTube and so on. So you're telling me that you have never touch YouTube before? You had never take a break from community? Have you been studying /working for 24/7¿?
Admit it, all of us always wanted the "stress free days"  to come along. But the truth is, economic is going downhill, and life is tough now. I know, you know, we all know.... Well except for some people who always only know how to buy those expensive make up and fashion. And never care of their studies....
I'm going to stop venting here, the next thing you know I'm going to talk about the government 😅😅
So yeah..... Stay tune.

Just a random vent.

Life, what have we become. What's happening....
Politics issues, religion issues, some even inter-issues, huh, don't even start talking about pokemon go.
Let's see from the people's view. Well, my view.
Ps:this is about me, not about the things I'd stated, I don't even wanna try to talk about it.
This week I have seen a lot of things, but mostly school issues. Yes, I use the word school issues.
Let's think:your friends was like, let's say, good friends. Suddenly acting strange, you will never know they will betray you right. Even if they use the word"hey, trust me, I can 'do'  this"
Don't even try, when you can't even past the first stage of being a friend, don't even say a good friend.
Yes, I seen worse. Who know, one day you're doing your group project, next thing you know the whole group decided to erase your name and the reason is 'she didn't do anything, please, the whole project thing? I did it my own, I didn't even, I say, even think to take away your name.
You could say past is in the past. But how will you forget if it happens, every year, every project, every time?
Sometimes even worse, I forgive you again and again and again, and what have you done? What did you choose? Talk back, that's all you did, talk back. Putting the blame on me, yeah yah, it's my fault. I'm that idiot who can see through that paper,I don't mind, did I blame you? No, why should I? Do you even know how many people, how many times they had called me idiot? Stupid? Useless?
"first time was a warning, next was a lesson, third was a mistake and fourth was a regret" that's one nice quote you know?
You don't. Even though your my good friend, you don't.
You think it's fun to even try to be happy? Don't even know what happened, and I'm not saying I'm 'hoping' for you to even check my vent, you don't know.
The way I always say that I miss last time because someone cared, the whole gang cared. They even know why am I acting like this, sometimes quite, sometime I can't control self, they know.
Maybe you know, but you're not showing.
Or its just me.
But anyways, after so long, I finally know where I'm standing.

S'V BQIO SRAUHCNB KR NTODWQG        

ZCUX, C QUWO HAKR CTQ ANTO OTHR C'O OKZQZXE AGWQH.

Vent

This week I'm going to talk about an app named Vent.
This app is sorta like Facebook, but it has an added feature, like you can put your emotions, your feelings and others. Now you may think that this is a place of telling vlog and others but the truth is, some of the people there are people who have problems with their life, like abuse and others. But don't get me wrong, this place is a place that let them express themselves, with the help of others. And yes, I met some of them, and I know about their stories. Some of them had a hard time and some of them are like me, trying to help the others. :) there are not much to talk about it but, it's nice to help around,making someone smile. Cause if you can't help them physically, help them mentally.

Family

Replacement for May 28
Family, what can you think about? History, relationship, sibling? For me, is how your family thinks of you.
Being the oldest children in the family is hard, really hard to handle. Everything is your fault, your problems, your thing. My problem always comes from my cousin sister, she's like the cause of an armageddon. She comes toy house every Monday to Friday as her both  parents are working, but that doesn't stop her from sending her chaos over. Every single time she cause a problem, I am the one who gets the scolding, even of the mess is cause when I'm not around in the house. Like seriously, when I want to scold her, I'm the one who always gets back the scolding because my grandmother 'loves'  her to much. My grandmother also like to compare my results with hers, I mean, she's 10 and I'm 16,and that's not fair, even though she always gets the fifth LAST PLACE in the class, my grandmother still scolds me for getting such a bad result. She found it so 'fun' that she wished I was dead just because I always correct her by telling her to stop creating chaos . And this happen, big time. That why, from that time onwards, I didn't really bother much of her, cause she doesn't think of me as her sister, nor a cousin.

Moral value of the blog:never get to close to people who hates you, especially you're relative.

Freedom Writters#2

This week:
Describe how writing in journals(In the movie Freedom Writters) helps transform the lives of the students. How does writing 'free' the students from their pain.
______________

In the movie, Ms. Gruwell given each of her students a journal so that they could write their daily stories in it, whether is about the past, present, or future. They can write poems, draw or anything in this journal, the main condition is that they must write it everyday.

So here's the question, do you have a journal/diary? Why do you need one? In the movie Freedom Writters, Ms. Gruwell had make her students to express themselves indirectly through the journals. Writing in the journals helps them to understand more about their experiences, their environment, their own feelings. It helps them to remove their stress,pain, depression and anxiety. This journal makes them feel like their talking to someone about their feelings. At the same time helping them to move on without feeling guilty of anything. Like me, I always write my feelings in an e-journal so that I could let go some 'weight' of my shoulder cause life is hard, not everyone will listen to us, sometimes they even think we're doing something wrong yet useless. This is why students nowadays feeling  stress out, thinking the only ways to be happy is to be away... But anyway, back to my point. Writing in journals can help us being  us, in an easy way.